Persist Until

by Vic Johnson
(excerpted from Day by Day with James Allen)

"Great is the heartfelt joy when, after innumerable and apparently unsuccessful attempts, some ingrained fault of character is at least cast out to trouble its erstwhile victim and the world no more." - The Mastery of Destiny

James Allen is sharing with us the rewarding (heartfelt joy) for finally overcoming a personal character deficit. However, what he's really sharing with us is the value of persistence.

If I had to pick one character trait that I think is a "must have" in order to be successful in any endeavor, it would be persistence. In fact, it seems to be the one trait that is the dominant trait in every single, super-successful individual I know. I believe it to be the one trait that any ordinary person can use to become extraordinary ("extra-ordinary").

Napoleon Hill, who wrote "Think and Grow Rich", devoted an entire chapter to Persistence and said that the only thing that was different about Henry Ford and Thomas Edison was their persistence.

I've long since forgotten where I read it, but I've never forgotten the story of the tribe in Africa that confounded all of the anthropologists. It seems that this tribe had for centuries enjoyed a 100% success rate with its rain dance. In comparing this tribe to other tribes who did rain dances but who didn't always experience success, the experts couldn't find anything that differentiated the one tribe. They performed the same rituals, praying the same incantations to the same gods, in the same costumes. Like all the tribes, they sometimes danced for days, even weeks on end. Finally an astute observer noticed something very telling. The successful tribe did one thing - and only one thing - different than the other tribes. It 'Always' danced 'Until' it rained!

If your head is hanging low today as mine has done on many a day, I hope you'll find the encouragement to know that you really only need to do one thing a this point --- "Persist'. And that means taking just one step in the right direction --- even a half step in the right direction.

Yes, maybe you need to review your plan or change your plan or maybe you even need to create a plan in the first place :-) But the one way you can ensure that you will meet with success (it's absolutely guaranteed) -- is to "dance until it rains!"

And that's worth thinking about.

-- Vic Johnson

Vitamins for the Mind

by Jim Rohn

Emotions

Emotions will either serve or master, depending on who is in charge.

Our emotions need to be as educated as our intellect. It is important to know how to feel, how to respond, and how to let life in so that it can touch you.

Civilization is the intelligent management of human emotions.

Measure your emotions. You don't need an atomic explosion for a minor point.

Women have an incredible ability to pick up on emotional signals. For example, there are some wolves that are so clever they have learned to dress up like sheep. Man says, "Looks like a sheep. Talks like a sheep." Woman says, "Ain't no sheep!"

The Miracle of Personal Development

by Jim Rohn

One day Mr. Shoaff said, "Jim, if you want to be wealthy and happy, learn this lesson well: Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job."

Since that time I've been working on my own personal development. And I must admit that this has been the most challenging assignment of all. This business of personal development lasts a lifetime.

You see, what you become is far more important than what you get. The important question to ask on the job is not, "What am I getting?" Instead, you should ask, "What am I becoming?" Getting and becoming are like Siamese twins: What you become directly influences what you get. Think of it this way: Most of what you have today you have attracted by becoming the person you are today.

I've also found that income rarely exceeds personal development. Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities that come with it, it will usually shrink back to the amount you can handle.

If someone hands you a million dollars, you'd better hurry up and become a millionaire. A very rich man once said, "If you took all the money in the world and divided it equally among everybody, it would soon be back in the same pockets it was before."

It is hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development

So here's the great axiom of life:

--TO HAVE MORE THAN YOU'VE GOT, BECOME MORE THAN YOU ARE--

This is where you should focus most of your attention. Otherwise, you just might have to contend with the axiom of not changing, which is:

--UNLESS YOU CHANGE HOW YOU ARE, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE WHAT YOU'VE GOT--

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for COMMUNICATION Differences

by Connie Podesta

Sometimes it seems that folks just don't get it. No matter what you say or how you say it, they simply don't have a clue - and don't seem too worried about getting one either! It's not their nature to understand; that's just how they "are." Maybe so, but more often than not, the problem is a result of a communication breakdown.

In this digitally inter-connected world, you'd think we could "fix" such basic differences. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as plugging another device into the system. Maybe they're the problem. Maybe you are. We all know difficult people - and, in fact, we can all be the difficult person.

A little background on communication styles can help us understand the issues and learn how to alter our approach to eventually make life a little easier for both parties.

The Basics

Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive.

Assertive Communication

The most effective and healthiest form of communication is the assertive style. It's how we naturally express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact, giving us the confidence to communicate without games and manipulation.

When we are being assertive, we work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions. We communicate our needs clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive for a win/win situation. We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Surprisingly, assertive is the style most people use least.

Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communication always involves manipulation. We may attempt to make people do what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control tactics (anger). Covert or overt, we simply want our needs met - and right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or war), it will never work in a relationship. Ironically, the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members and rational coaching strategies.

Passive Communication

Passive communication is based on compliance and hopes to avoid confrontation at all costs. In this mode we don't talk much, question even less, and actually do very little. We just don't want to rock the boat. Passives have learned that it is safer not to react and better to disappear than to stand up and be noticed.

Passive-Aggressive Communication

A combination of styles, passive-aggressive avoids direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to get even through manipulation (aggressive). If you've ever thought about making that certain someone who needs to be "taught a thing or two" suffer (even just a teeny bit), you've stepped pretty close to (if not on into) the devious and sneaky world of the passive-aggressive.

So now what?

Clearly, for many reasons, the only healthy communication style is assertive communication. Surely you can identify many people in your own life that favor each of the four styles. Most of us use a combination of these four styles, depending on the person or situation. The styles we choose generally depend on what our past experiences have taught us will work best to get our needs met in each specific situation. If you take a really good look at yourself, you've probably used each throughout your lifetime.

Understanding the four basic types of communication will help you learn how to react most effectively when confronted with a difficult person. It will also help you recognize when you are using manipulative behavior to get your own needs met. Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use. If you're serious about taking control of your life, practice being more assertive. It will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build relationships - both personally and professionally.

Take Action!

Begin to pay attention to which communication styles you use throughout the day. How often do you use a communication style other than assertive?

Watch and identify the communication styles some of the difficult people in your life use. Can you begin to notice how others use manipulative techniques to get their way?

-- Connie Podesta

Taking Time for Yourself in a Relationship

by John Gray

We have all heard this advice before. No matter how wonderful togetherness feels in a relationship, it is still crucial for partners to take time for themselves. There is simply no way that a man or a woman can fulfill all of their partner's needs; it's just impossible to do. Too often people will give up a favorite hobby, sport or pastime in the beginning of a relationship in order to devote more time and energy to making the relationship work. But, what happens down the road when one or both partners realize that they are terribly out of balance and not taking time for themselves? Relationship stress, miscommunication, or worse: resentment and emotional pain can result.

It is healthy to have different interests. In fact, giving up our own interests and the little things that we do to nurture ourselves when a relationship starts will eventually lead to resentment down the road.

It's important for both partners to value quality relaxation time. There is absolutely no need to feel guilty about spending time alone. Independence is good for both men and women, no matter how close they may be in the relationship. Typically, when one partner actively takes some alone time, their partner is encouraged to do the same.

How our differences compliment each other:
Just as men and women have different needs in a relationship, they also have different reasons for needing time to themselves. Too much togetherness usually results in partners expecting too much from each other. Women may tend to smother their mates, while men may seem cold and uncaring. It is healthy for each partner to take time out to explore his or her individual interests.

What Men Need:
Men need to periodically pull away. Remember that men are like rubber bands. It is his natural cycle to get close, pull away, and get close again. It is important for men to fulfill their need for independence. Men automatically alternate between needing intimacy and autonomy. Give a man his space and he will be a better, more attentive, partner. When a man gets too close and doesn't pull away, he often experiences increased moodiness, irritability, passivity, and defensiveness.

Also, when a man is in his cave, he wants to be left alone. He is working out his problems and frustrations by either doing something alone, like reading the paper or watching TV, or doing something active with his male friends.

Most men are happy when their mates do something fun for themselves at these times. It means that she is not sitting around waiting for him to come out of the cave. He will come out ready to talk and be intimate again, and she will have curbed her frustrations by being good to herself and having some fun.

What Women Need:
It is good for a woman's self esteem to take care of herself. She can get wrapped up in taking care of her family and forget how much she needs to nurture herself. Particularly when a man is off in his cave, she can enjoy the time alone to go shopping, work in her garden, go to a class at the gym, or simply languish in the simple pleasure of soaking in a hot bath with a glass of wine.

It is especially important for a woman to cultivate relationships with other women. Women need to talk about what's happening in their lives. On Venus, this is an important part of relationship building. Since this is not the case on Mars, it is wonderful for a woman to get together with her girlfriends so that they can talk about, and listen to, each other's problems, without judgment or offering unsolicited advice.

Couples can even plan these separate times apart. For instance, Tuesday could be his poker night with the boys, and Thursday her night for dinner and a movie with her girlfriends. Both partners will not only appreciate the time to do the things that make them feel good, but will come back feeling renewed and excited to be in such a healthy, well-balanced relationship.

-- John Gray

Respect for Others

The most successful relationships are based on mutual respect. Here's a wonderful story of respect from esteemed personal achievement author and speaker, Tony Alessandra.


by Tony Alessandra

When I was in high school back in 1960s, everyone always divided themselves into self-contained, often exclusive, groups. These groups followed all the old clichés -- you had your greasers, your jocks, your nerds, your college prep kids, and your vocational kids -- and everyone was always careful to stay within their own group.

Although I was technically in the athletic group (or jocks) and the college prep group, I always tried to go out of my way to get along with everyone -- no matter what group they were associated with. I always got good grades, so I fit in with the smart kids. I was born and raised in New York City, so I got along with the greasers. I tried to find my connection with everyone, which was not hard at all. After all, we were all high school kids -- we had plenty to bond over with the shared experience of going to the same school.

However, the reason that I was able to build on those commonalities -- the reason people from other groups were friendly back to me -- was that I treated everyone with respect. I never gossiped about the popular crowd, never teased or taunted the nerds. I made an effort to see everyone's positive aspects, and I focused on those. In essence, I treated others the way they wanted to be treated, and it gave me the ability to adapt and be liked by just about everybody.

I have carried that philosophy throughout my whole life: I am as polite to a janitor as a CEO. As people, they both exist on the same level -- and both deserve the same amount of outward respect.

My mantra: "What goes around, comes around."

What do you have "coming around" for yourself?

-- Tony Alessandra

Made for Success Quote and Commentary

Albert Einstein Nobel prize winning physicist

"When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." Albert Einstein


Chris' Commentary:
Relativity. It is all relative, you know. Some people make more money, some less. Some have better health, some worse. Some better relationships, some worse. There is always someone better or richer, but also not as good or poorer. Is this cause for despair? Not at all. I have actually found that it is quite good for me, this idea of relativity. On one hand, relativity keeps me content. I know when I start to want more just for wanting more's sake, I can look and see that many others do not have the blessings I do. It is relative, and that makes me thankful for what I have - and content. When I start feeling proud for my accomplishments, you know, not the good kind of proud, but the bad side of pride, relativity keeps me humble. There is always someone better than me, someone who has proven they can master the art or the skills better than I. So relativity plays a very important role. It is all in how you choose to look at it.

Action Point: Ask yourself if you tend to have the wrong kind of pride. If so, remind yourself that others have mastered more. This will keep you humble. Are you lacking contentment? Then remind yourself of others who are less fortunate. This will keep you content. Relativity keeps us in a perfect tension that keeps us human, and healthy humans at that.

by Chris Widener

Now you may ask why we would write an article about developing better relationships. The reason is because I believe that those who are in a relationship will be significantly and directly affected in all areas of their life by how that relationship is going, and how healthy that relationship is.

Research has proven that those who are happy at home are more productive and less stressful at work. Developing a better relationship with your mate can help you develop a better life and a better business! Here are some thoughts to chew on for developing a strong and healthy relationship with your mate.

Listen. Communication is the key to a lasting relationship and listening is the key to communicating. Too often when we are quiet we are not listening, but waiting to speak. Instead of listening to what our mate is saying, and intently trying to understand them, very often we are making mental notes of what we would like to say in response. This is particularly true for us males. We often are trying to find the weakness in our mate's argument, rather than really listening to the words that they're saying and the manner in which they're saying it. Why not take some time this week trying to internalize and understand your mate's words and feelings?

Schedule a regular time to go out or spend time together. With today's busy lifestyles, it is too easy to put our relationships on the backburner and take them for granted. While we might have every intention of spending regular time with our mate, we often find ourselves driven by a schedule that has us running in every direction and leaving us little time for our most important relationships. Work gets in the way. The kids get in the way. Our hobbies get in the way. We need to realize the value in the importance of that relationship with our mate and its effect on our total life. Then we need to make spending time with our mate a major priority by scheduling a specific time at least each week to get alone together, talk, and simply renew our relationship. Be sure to set some time aside each week to rediscover each other and enjoy your time together. Pencil it into your schedule and don't give up that spot. In fact, it is probably best if you and your mate sit down and decide what night will work each and every week, then put it into your daytimer. If someone asks you if you're available at that time, you tell them you already have an appointment. In the long run, that time that you spend with your mate will help you to become more of a success than you could ever mention.

Consider your mate's interests more important than your own. When each person has decided to give of themselves to the other, you form a reciprocating relationship of love, concern, and devotion. When you come to a place where you disagree or where the two of you have differing opinions, try to get to the point where you can consider what your mate likes as more important than what you would like to do. The simple decision to do this goes a long way toward developing a healthy relationship!

Learn your mate's love language. There is a lot of talk recently of love languages. What this is, is that each individual has certain ways they receive love from other people. Some people like to have time spent with them. Others like gifts, small or large. Still others respond best to personal touch. And others appreciate verbal affirmation. Our tendency is to show love the way that we like to receive love, but what will recharge our relationship fastest is to find out what way our mate likes to receive affirmations of our love. The next time you get a chance to speak to your mate, ask which of the above ways they like best to receive your demonstration of love. Then make a conscious effort to begin showing your love in that manner.

Do the small things you did when you first fell in love with your mate. Do remember when you were first in love? Remember the small things you did to show your love? But as time went along, you probably began to get weighed down with simply living life and forgot the small things that made the difference in the beginning. Things like a phone call in the middle of the day just to talk or say "I love you," an appreciative note, flowers, gifts, and opening doors. Recharge your relationship by consciously going back and doing the small things that you did when your love first began to grow.

Forgive. I've done a lot of work with couples having troubles, and one of the most common elements I find that is working against the development of their relationship is that they are holding something against the other and they aren't willing to forgive. The fact is that your mate is going to fail you from time to time. We need to understand that. What we do when we get to that point however, is what will make all the difference in the world. In a relationship that is going to last, the people involved are committed to forgiving one another. Those whose relationships last longest, and will be the healthiest, are those who are committed to forgiveness.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you in recharging your love relationship. I truly believe that if we will put these principles into practice we will see our relationships grow in ways they never have before, and that in turn will make our whole life better.

Chris Widener

Put Some Z.I.P. into Your Relationships

by Chris Widener

Relationships are really what make the world go 'round, aren't they? I mean, good, positive, healthy and meaningful relationships provide us with the richest experiences we have here on this old earth of ours. Your loving spouse who shares everything with you; that best friend who connects with you like few others do; the people at work who appreciate you and help you to become the best that you can be. This is what brings joy to life!

But... relationships can also be the bane of our existence! What really brings more pain in this life than a broken relationship, especially when it isn't just broken but downright ugly!

So, it behooves us to do all that we can to keep our relationships zipping right along, doesn't it? If we put our very best into our relationships, we can almost guarantee getting the very best out of our relationships!

Through the years I have spent hundreds of hours working with people in their relationships: Marriages, friendships, working relationships and social relationships. Through it all I have seen some wonderful things and some terrible things. It truly is the good, the bad and the ugly!

But I have been able to find three core elements of successful relationships. These are things that, when done over time, begin to create for you the kinds of relationships that you truly desire. They are the kinds of relationships you have always dreamed of.

The key to remembering these three items is the acronym Z.I.P. Z.I.P. stands for three things you can do - and begin to do immediately - to improve any and all of your relationships. They are:

Put some ZEST into your relationships.
Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships.
Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

Let's take a closer look at each of these three:

Put some ZEST into your relationships.
By Zest, I primarily mean fun. Relationships were meant to be fun! We wouldn't have been made with the capacity to have fun if relationships weren't supposed to have a little zest in them!

Think about it: Don't you usually start out most healthy relationships with a lot of fun times. Whether it is going out to dinner or a ballgame, or spending time playing a game or even just a lively talk, you usually have fun as a major part of the relationship. Fun is some of the glue that bonds the relationship.

But as life goes on, specifically in a marriage, but in all relationships really, the fun starts to go by the wayside. More and more it is about getting the job done, whatever the job may be.

To restore the relationship, to put a little zip into it, we need to reintroduce the idea of "zest."

What about you? Have you lost the zest? What can you do to get it back? Think of a specific relationship you have: What were the fun things you did at the beginning of the relationship that acted as the glue that bonded you together? Now, commit to doing those again and see if your relationship doesn't begin to soar again! If you can, develop new fun things to do together so you can both start an adventure of fun together!

Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships.
First a couple of clarifications: One, I don't just mean intimacy in the currently common understanding, that is, sexual intimacy. I mean for all intents and purposes, taking your relationship to a deeper level. Second, I don't mean that you have to start doing group hugs with your workmates or having revelation sessions where the tissue flows freely.

What I do mean is that every relationship that is mutually satisfying has a level of depth to it that provides meaning. This is really what the search is for in our relationships: meaning.

Remember when you first started your relationship, whether with your spouse or friend. All of that time was spent opening up, telling who you are, where you were from, what your likes and dislikes are. There was a deep sense of satisfaction with the relationship - that is why it continued. You liked who they were and you enjoyed being known by them.

But then something happens. We get to a certain level and the pursuit of depth ends. We stop sharing feeling, likes, and dislikes. We stop sharing joys and dreams and fears. Instead, we settle into routine. The daily grind takes over and we stop knowing one another and we simply exist together. Now don't get me wrong, every time you get together doesn't have to be deep. Remember, I am the one who advocates in the previous paragraphs just having plain old fun sometimes. But there is a need for regular times of intimate connection where we go deeper with others.

This is particularly hard for many of the male species like me, but it is not only possible but healthy and needed! If we want to have the kinds of relationship we were made to have, we have to open ourselves up to having others know us and for us to know others.

True meaningful relationships come when we are loved and accepted for who we are at our core, not simply for acting the right way in our relationships so as to keep the other person in it.

Think about the relationships you would like to see improvement in. Take some time in the coming weeks and months to spend time just talking and getting to a deeper level in your relationship. Specifically, let the other person deeper into your world. You can't force the other person to be more intimate and you certainly can't say, "Let's get together and have an intimate conversation," because that would be too contrived. But you can make a decision for yourself that you will let others into your world. Perhaps this will be the catalyst for them doing the same.

You can guard yourself from intimacy but then you won't go much deeper and you will feel a longing in your heart for more, or you can begin the deepening process and see your relationships change for the better.

Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.
The most meaningful relationships we have are those that are held together by a common purpose and vision for what the relationship can accomplish, not only for those involved but also for a greater good.

Let's face it, when people have a common purpose they feel like they are part of a team and they feel bound together in that relationship. Even when people may be disappointed in the people they are in relationship with, if they have a purpose, such as raising the children, they are much more likely to stick it out. Purpose creates bonds.

So what happens if we are proactively involved in seeking out a common purpose with those who we want to have a relationship with or those who we already have a relationship with but we would like to see it go deeper with? Well, it gets better and stronger.

Think about your strongest relationships. Aren't they centered on at least one area of purpose or a common goal?

What about a relationship that has cooled? Think back and see if perhaps you used to have a common purpose but it has gone by the wayside.

And what of your desire to see a relationship grow? Take some time to begin to cultivate a common purpose. Sit down with that person and tell them that you would like to have some common goals, some purposes that you pursue together. As you develop these, you will see your relationship strengthen in ways you never imagined!

Let's recap: You want your relationships to show a little "zip?" Then put a little Z.I.P. in them:

Put some ZEST into your relationships.
Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships.
Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

-- Chris Widener

Vitamins for the Mind | Basics/Fundamentals

Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.

There are no new fundamentals. You've got to be a little suspicious of someone who says, "I've got a new fundamental." That's like someone inviting you to tour a factory where they are manufacturing antiques.

Some things you have to do every day. Eating seven apples on Saturday night instead of one a day just isn't going to get the job done.

Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. It is the accumulative weight of our disciplines and our judgments that leads us to either fortune or failure.

The Rose

by Jim Rohn

Lifestyle is style over amount. And style is an art - the art of living. You can't buy style with money. You can't buy good taste with money. You can only buy more with money. Lifestyle is culture - the appreciation of good music, dance, art, sculpture, literature, plays and the art of living well. It's a taste for the fine, the unique, the beautiful.

Lifestyle also means rewarding excellence wherever you find it by not taking the small things of life for granted. With Valentine's Day approaching I wanted to illustrate this with a personal anecdote:

Many years ago my lady friend and I were on a trip to Carmel, California, for some shopping and exploring. On the way we stopped at a service station. As soon as we parked our car in front of the pumps, a young man, about eighteen or nineteen, came bouncing out to the car and with a big smile said, "Can I help you?"

"Yes," I answered. "A full tank of gas, please." I wasn't prepared for what followed. In this day and age of self-service and deteriorating customer treatment, this young man checked every tire, washed every window - even the sunroof - singing and whistling the whole time. We couldn't believe both the quality of service and his upbeat attitude about his work.

When he brought the bill, I said to the young man, "Hey, you really have taken good care of us. I appreciate it."

He replied, "I really enjoy working. It's fun for me and I get to meet nice people like you."

This kid was really something!

I said, "We're on our way to Carmel and we want to get some milkshakes. Can you tell us where we can find the nearest Baskin-Robbins?"

"Baskin-Robbins is just a few blocks away," he said as he gave us exact directions. Then he added, "Don't park out front - park around to the side so your car won't get sideswiped."

What a kid!

As we got to the ice cream store we ordered milkshakes, except that instead of two, we ordered three. Then we drove back to the station. Our young friend dashed out to greet us. "Hey, I see you got your milkshakes."

"Yes, and this one is for you!"

His mouth fell open. "For me?"

"Sure. With all the fantastic service you gave us, I couldn't leave you out of the milkshake deal."

"Wow!" was his astonished reply.

As we drove off I could see him in my rear-view mirror just standing there, grinning from ear to ear.

Now, what did this little act of generosity cost me? Only about two dollars - you see, it's not the money, it's the style.

Well, I must have been feeling especially creative that day, so upon our arrival in Carmel I drove directly to a flower shop. As we walked inside I said to the florist, "I need a long-stemmed rose for my lady to carry while we go shopping in Carmel."

The florist, a rather unromantic type, replied, "We sell them by the dozen."

"I don't need a dozen," I said, "just one."

"Well," he replied haughtily, "it will cost you two dollars."

"Wonderful," I exclaimed. "There's nothing worse than a cheap rose."

Selecting the rose with some deliberation, I handed it to my friend. She was so impressed! And the cost? Two dollars. Just two dollars. A bit later she looked up and said, "Jim, I must be the only woman in Carmel today carrying a rose." And I believe she probably was.

Can you imagine the opportunity to create magic with those around you, and all for the cost of a few dollars, some imagination and care. Remember, it is not the amount that matters but the thought and care that often has the greatest impact upon those you love.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

Zig Ziglar on Manners

by Zig Ziglar

Today, we too rarely practice good manners... When we neglect to require our children to say “thank you’ when someone gives them a gift or does something for them, we are raising ungrateful children who are highly unlikely to be happy. Without gratitude, happiness is a rare thing. With gratitude, the odds go up dramatically that happiness will be the result.

A classic example of the validity of gratitude in action is the story of Roy Rogers. After he starred in his first movie, he began receiving huge stacks of fan mail that he wanted to answer. However, his salary of $150 a week did not even cover the required postage. He talked to the head of Republic Pictures in the hope that the studio would handle some of his fan mail. He was summarily turned down and told he was foolish to think about answering fan mail because nobody else did. It took too much time and money.

Roy Rogers, one of the genuinely good guys of life, couldn´t buy that. It was his conviction that if someone thought enough about him to write a letter, he should have enough respect for the person to answer it. Fortunately, the movie that caused him his “problem’ also made him so popular that he could go on a personal appearance tour. He traveled many miles and performed countless one-night stands to raise the money to pay the salaries of the four people it took to answer his fan mail.

As a result of answering fan mail, he built a fan base that was faithful to him and remained faithful to him many, many years later. Yup, the good guys and the good gals really do win. So, develop some manners, respect others, and be grateful for what you have.

Overcoming the Negative

by Jim Rohn

We must all wage an intense, lifelong battle against the constant downward pull. If we relax, the bugs and weeds of negativity will move into the garden and take away everything of value.

Humility is a virtue; timidity is a disease.

If you spend five minutes complaining, you have just wasted five minutes. If you continue complaining, it won´t be long before they haul you out to a financial desert and there let you choke on the dust of your own regret.

You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate.

Personal Development - Nitty-Gritty Reasons

by Jim Rohn
(excerpted from the book Seven Strategies for Wealth and Happiness)

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be motivated to achievement by such a lofty goal as benevolence? I must confess, however, that in the early years of my struggle to succeed, my motivation was a lot more down-to-earth. My reason for succeeding was more basic. In fact, it fell into the category of what I like to call "nitty-gritty reasons." A nitty-gritty reason is the kind that any one of us can have -- at any time, on any day -- and it can cause our lives to change. Let me tell you what happened to me.

Shortly before I met Mr. Shoaff, I was lounging at home one day when I heard a knock at the door. It was a timid, hesitant knock. When I opened the door I looked down to see a pair of big brown eyes staring up at me. There stood a frail little girl of about ten. She told me, with all the courage and determination her little heart could muster, that she was selling Girl Scout cookies. It was a masterful presentation -- several flavors, a special deal, and only two dollars per box. How could anyone refuse? Finally, with a big smile and ever-so politely, she asked me to buy. And I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to!

Except for one thing. I didn't have two dollars! Boy, was I embarrassed! Here I was -- a father, had been to college, was gainfully employed -- and yet I didn't have two dollars to my name.

Naturally I couldn't tell this to the little girl with the big brown eyes. So I did the next best thing. I lied to her. I said, "Thanks, but I've already bought Girl Scout cookies this year. And I've still got plenty stacked in the house."

Now that simply wasn't true. But it was the only thing I could think of to get me off the hook. And it did. The little girl said, "That's okay, sir. Thank you very much." And with that she turned around and went on her way.

I stared after her for what seemed like a very long time. Finally, I closed the door behind me and, leaning my back to it, cried out, "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke, and I've had it with lying. I'll never be embarrassed again by not having any money in my pocket." That day I promised myself to earn enough to always have several hundred dollars in my pocket at all times.

This is what I mean by a nitty-gritty reason. It may not win me any prize for greatness, but it was enough to have a permanent effect on the rest of my life.

My Girl-Scout-cookie story does have a happy ending. Several years later, as I was walking out of my bank where I had just made a hefty deposit and was crossing the street to get into my car, I saw two little girls who were selling candy for some girls' organization. One of them approached me, saying, "Mister, would you like to buy some candy?"

"I probably would," I said playfully. "What kind of candy do you have?" "It's almond roca." "Almond roca. That's my favorite. How much is it?" "It's only two dollars." Two dollars. It couldn't be! I was excited. "How many boxes of candy have you got?" "I've got five."

Looking at her friend, I said, "And how many boxes do you have left?"

"I've got four." "That's nine. Okay, I'll take them all."

At this, both girls' mouths fell open as they exclaimed in unison, "Really?"

"Sure," I said. "I've got some friends that I'll pass some around to."

Excitedly, they scurried to stack all the boxes together. I reached into my pocket and gave them eighteen dollars. As I was about to leave, the boxes tucked under my arm, one of the girls looked up and said, "Mister, you're really something!" How about that! Can you imagine spending only eighteen dollars and having someone look you in the face and say, "You're really something!"

Now you know why I always carry a few hundred dollars on me. I'm not about to miss chances like that ever again.

And to think it all resulted from my own embarrassment, that when properly channeled, acted as a powerful motivator to help me achieve.

How about you? What nitty-gritty reasons do you have waiting to challenge and provoke you into change for the better? Look for them, they are there. Sometimes it can be as simple as a brown-eyed girl selling Girl Scout cookies.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

What Is Success?

by John Fleming
(excerpted from the foreword to The One Course)

As a young man, my first serious goal in life was to become an architect. I studied at one of the finest and most notable engineering schools in the country, the Illinois Institute of Technology, and was then able to gain employment in the office of Mies van der Rohe, one of the most recognized and distinguished architects of our time.

I thought that I was on my way to success. There I was, just an ordinary man, creating the blueprint for a perfectly executed life. I was building a career, as well as a personal life, and hoping for financial security.

Yet I felt that something was missing. While others described me as successful, I knew deep inside that success had to be more than I was experiencing. At that time, I thought that if my life fit the definition of success, then I was truly disappointed.

The problem back then was my definition of success. I simply equated it to “happiness and peace of mind.’ Those were the two things that I thought I wanted. In retrospect, success was something that I had not really taken the time to truly define.

Like many others before me, I have sought to understand the basic steps to achieving success and how, if properly taken, they could virtually ensure that I arrived on its doorstep.

Today, I consider “success’ as the ability to build your life as you want it—to take the vision of where you want to go and who you want to be, and plan each phase right down to the tiniest detail. I've learned that success means being honest with yourself in determining what you can build, and, once the building starts, having the courage to make the necessary and sometimes critical modifications to plan.

How Do We Achieve Success?
So how do you achieve it? As I reflect on my personal journey, I remember the steps that I thought would guarantee a successful journey. Quite simply, they were:
1) Go to school
2) Study hard
3) Get as much education as possible
4) Get a job
5) Get married

This five-step process usually starts with our first school experiences. Parents actually make decisions for us, as they coach us and urge us to do our homework, study hard, and achieve good grades.

In later years, counselors encourage us to continue our education through vocational schools and other institutions of higher learning. From my point of view, this is where we have the first major breakdown in our society. For some, the cost of continuing education is prohibitive. Often, parents are not in the financial position to help with the expense of education. They have a difficult time meeting the needs of teenagers who feel peer pressure to dress well, own cars, have girlfriends and boyfriends, and participate in social activities that usually require money. To help meet growing financial obligations, many teens resort to joining the workforce too soon, often sacrificing their continued pursuit of knowledge.

Young people who are able to continue their education at trade schools, colleges, and universities are guided through two to five years or more of study designed to prepare them for careers in chosen professions or fields. The end of this educational process usually yields some type of degree or certificate of completion. This achievement is one to be very proud of, but is this piece of paper a guarantee for achieving “success’?

Not if you read these startling statistics: In the United States of America, the richest country in the world, 10 percent of the population owned 71 percent of the wealth at the end of 2001, and the top 1 percent controlled 38 percent of the wealth. The bottom 40 percent owned less than 1 percent of the nation's wealth.

The U.S. Department of Commerce reported that America's 2005 personal savings rate, as a percentage of disposable income, was a negative .05 percent, the lowest in the industrialized world by some measures. The statistics represent a society that does not experience success throughout its masses.

What's even more alarming are the global statistics: 2 percent of the global population control more than 50 percent of all of the world's wealth! The richest 10 percent actually control 85 percent of the world's wealth! What's missing in the educational process that prevents so many from achieving a higher level of success? Why is it that so many can invest so much time in attempting to do all the right things, and still not attain their goals? How do we achieve happiness and peace of mind, freedom from debt, and financial stability?

To answer those questions, I reflected on the principles of design and construction I learned while studying the architecture of buildings. And this is the answer that I found.

We take the one course of action that will ensure us personal success: We become the architects of our destinies. We create the blueprints for the lives we want to live. We go back to the basics in assessing who we are and what we want to build, we design plans of our choosing, and we note what we need to change to achieve successful lives.

The Room Within
Frank Lloyd Wright, America's most famous architect, once said that “the room within is the great fact about building.’ If you think about that in terms of personal development, he was absolutely right. Your room within is the great fact about building your life. You have the ability to decide exactly who you want to be and to design the life you want to live. Each brick of experience can be carefully placed to create the monument that is you.

I truly believe that the one thing sorely missing in our educational institutions today is an emphasis on the basics: the basic knowledge of how to understand ourselves and gain control of our lives. If we better understood these basics, more ordinary people would become extraordinary achievers.

I don't believe, however, that our journey through life needs to be complicated. We don't need to spend years on blueprints for Taj Mahals that, realistically, will never get built. We simply need to construct a solid framework—strong in foundation and aesthetically pleasing—that will stand proud in the world.

-- John Fleming

A Little Equation that Creates Big Results

by Chris Widener

The purpose of man is in action not thought - Thomas Carlyle

Often people will ask me how I get so much done in my life. They wonder at how I am able to accomplish so many things. The answer is found not in what a great person I am, but in an equation I came up with a few years ago and remind myself of on almost a daily basis. And when I live this equation out, it produces big results. What people don't seem to grasp is that this equation will work for anybody! Anyone can see results in their life if they will live it out!

This little equation, when it is understood, and acted upon, is perhaps the most powerful equation there is in regard to long-term achievement and accomplishment. Yet, this is not a complex equation. In fact, it is rather simple. So what is it?

Your short-term actions multiplied by time equal your long-term accomplishments.

If you want to see change in your life, see big results, the first thing you must do is change your current actions. Otherwise the old saying becomes a reality: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got!" But if we change our actions, we will see different results!

Most people want to accomplish a lot in their lives. Yet very few actually do. Why is this? It is because what they believe will equal their long-term accomplishments is wrong. Here are some of the things that people believe will create great accomplishments for them:

Beliefs
Vision
Big dreams
Ideas
Ideals
Values
Desire

The truth is that while these things are very important, they are not enough in and of themselves. We need to have the above underlying all that we do, but we need to actually do something! And this is where most people stop. We need to take action on our dreams and beliefs every day.

Here are some examples of how this works.

Who loses weight? The one who knows all about the benefits of exercise or the one who walks three miles a day?

Who retires early? The one who dreams of a house on the beach, or the one who invests $300 a month?

Who writes books? The one who desires to become a best-selling author, or the one who gets up early and writes for half an hour a day?

Who has the best marital relationship? The one who knows how much spending time with their spouse can improve their relationship, or the one who sits down and talks with their spouse every night?

Who makes the most sales? The one who believes they can become a great salesperson, or the one who makes 10 sales calls a day?

I think you get the point. When it all comes down to it, we must act upon our vision, beliefs, and ideals or we won't see them come to fruition. I see too many people who know what is right, but don't ever do anything about it. Imagine what a difference we could make in our own lives and the lives of others if we would simply begin to act upon on our beliefs!

When I get to the end of my life, I want to know that I have done all that I can to make this world a better place and to enhance the lives of those around me. I want to know that I gave it my best shot. And I am sure that you do to.

I remember reading an interview with an author who has written numerous books that have sold in the tens of millions. They asked him how he did it. His answer was that he got up every morning before anyone else in his family and wrote, long hand, with a pencil, for an hour. Then he quit and went about his day. But his short-term actions piled up. 7 hours a week. 30 hours a month. 365 hours a year. After a while, he had lots of books!

Some questions as we leave:

What long-term accomplishments do you want to see come to pass?
What short-term actions will you need to do over time to see them come to pass?
What will you do today to begin seeing your dreams come true?
What will you do this week to see them come true?

You can have an awesome future, filled with great achievements and results if you begin today to take action and make it a reality!

One more time, so you can plug it in, memorize it, and live it.

Your short-term actions multiplied by time equal your long-term accomplishments.

-- Chris Widener

Create your vision. Prepare your plan. Build your team. Lay the foundation and construct the life you have always wanted.

How to Go from Thinking to Life Change

By Dr. John C. Maxwell

Step #1: When you change your thinking, you change your beliefs.
I am going to work you through a six-step process of how to change, and it begins with thinking. It begins with the mind. Beliefs are nothing more than a by-product of what you have thought long enough about that you have bought into--always remember that. What you believe is a collection of continual thoughts that have formed themselves into a conviction.

"Although not all change is the same, there is one common element to change, and that is thinking." That is a great truth. That is not mine, it's out of a book called, The Seven Levels of Change. When you break down the process of thinking into manageable number of steps, you reduce the perceived risk associated with change. Being creative is when you think about your thinking, being innovative is when you act on your ideas.

Step #2: When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations.
Belief is the knowledge that we can do something. It is the inner feeling that what we undertake, we can accomplish. For the most part, all of us have the ability to look at something and know whether we can do it. So, in belief there is power: our eyes are opened; our opportunities become plain; our visions become realities. Our beliefs control everything we do. If we believe we can or we believe we cannot, we are correct. Accomplishment is more than a matter of working harder; it is a matter of believing positively. It's called the "sure enough" factor. If you expect to succeed, "sure enough," you will; if you expect to fail, "sure enough," you will. We become outside what we believe inside.

Step #3: When you change your expectations, you change your attitude.
I love Ben Franklin's quote: "Blessed is the one who expects nothing, for he shall receive it." I heard a story the other day about a man who went to the fortuneteller who looked in the crystal ball and said, "Oh, my. This is not good. I look in this ball and see that you will be poor and unhappy until you're 45 years old." The guy said, "Oh, that's terrible. Well, then what's going to happen?" The fortuneteller said, "You'll get used to it."

Your expectations are going to determine your attitude. Most people get used to average; they get used to second best. Nelson Boswell said, "The first and most important step toward success is the expectation that we can succeed."

Step #4: When you change your attitude, you change your behavior.
William James was right when he said, "That which holds our attention determines our action." When our attitude begins to change, when we become involved with something, our behavior begins to change. The reason that we have to make personal changes is that we cannot take our people on a trip that we have not made. Too many leaders try to be travel agents instead of tour guides--they try to send people where they have never been. We give them a brochure and a "Bon Voyage!" And off they go and we wave to them, and we ask them to tell us how it was when they come back. A tour guide says, "Let me take you where I've been. Let me tell you what I have gone through. Let me tell you what I know. Let me show you what I've experienced in my life."

Step #5: When you change your behavior, you change your performance.
Leroy Eims said, "How can you know what is in your heart? Look at your behavior. There is no better sign of the heart than the life." The truest test of where a person is going is their behavior.
Unfortunately, most people would rather live with old problems than new solutions. We would rather be comfortable than correct; we would rather stay in a routine than make changes. Even when we know that the changes are going to be better for us, we often don't make them because we feel uncomfortable or awkward about making that kind of a change.

Until we can get used to living with something that is not comfortable, we cannot get any better.

Step #6: When you change your performance, you change your life.
Change makes a person feel alone, even if others are going through it. You say, "Oh, man! Goodness! I know the others are changing, but I don't think they're having the difficulty I'm having." There is something about the awkwardness and the time that it takes to make proper changes that just seems to isolate you from everyone else, even when a group is going through it together. You just kind of feel, "But my situation's a little bit different, and I think I'm just not quite as fast as the other ones," and there's a tendency to feel isolated, lonely, and withdrawn when you're going through this change.

It is easier to turn failure into success than an excuse into a possibility. A person can fail and turn around and understand their failure, make it a success; but I want to tell you--a person who makes excuses for everything will never truly succeed. I promise you, when you excuse what you are doing and excuse where you are, and you allow the exceptions, you fail to reach your potential. Don't you know some people who just have an excuse for everything? Why they could not, should not, did not, would not, have not, will not. If "ifs" and "buts" were candies and nuts, we would all have a Merry Christmas. It is impossible to turn excuses into possibilities.

Hope is the foundational principle for all change. People change because they have hope. If people do not have hope, they will not change. You are responsible for the changes that you make in your life, but the good news is, you can make the changes you need to make in your life.

Made for Success Quote and Commentary

Dr. Leslie K. Gulton (left), President of Gulton Industries and Roy D. Chapin, Jr.,
chairman of the board of American Motors Corporation

"Be ready when opportunity comes...Luck is the time when preparation and opportunity meet." -- Roy D. Chapin, Jr.

Chris' Commentary:
Sooner or later, your "break" will come. You will get your chance. The question is not whether or not opportunity will knock or if the door will open, but whether or not you will be thoroughly prepared to knock back and blow through that door! You certainly don't want to have to tell your opportunity to "hold on for a minute while I go get ready!" I hate to tell you this, but opportunity can be an impatient suitor. If you can't or won't dance, he will find someone who will.

Action Point: What would be your "dream opportunity? Write it out. Now write out what you can do to be thoroughly prepared when you get the call. Write out what you can do to quicken the speed by which you will get your opportunity. When the pitch is thrown, you want to hit it out of the park!

The Day Your Life Will Change for Good!

by Chris Widener

Many people long for a better life. In fact, I think it is innate to humans to desire a better life. Wherever we are at, we look beyond and dream of a better place. That is good, and that is not so good. It is good because the dream is alive and we can see, even if it is far off, a better situation for us, our families and our businesses and communities. So why is it not good? It is not good because it is not yet a reality! A dream is no good if it is only a dream. Sure a dream can make you feel good, but long-term, if you don't pursue it and make it a reality, it will cause you frustration more than anything. But there is hope!

I'm talking about the day your life really changes. The day that your dream begins to become a reality, and not some pie in the sky wish. This is the day life turns around for you, the day things begin to get better and you begin to fulfill your purpose, mission and destiny! When is this day?

It is the day you make a decision!

The key to changing your life is to make a decision, and then to act upon it. And once acted upon, to follow-through consistently until your dream becomes a reality.

So the decision is the key? Yes it is. Every dream begins as a thought. "I would love to have my own business, to be free to run my life and earn as much money as I want to and take as much vacation time as I want." Good dream, isn't it? Probably a dream that most of us have. But there it is, a little electrical impulse bouncing around inside our head. Does that do us any good? Only if it becomes action! And it only becomes action if we make a decision.

Let's carry this example out. What are the decisions to be made here? Well, there are a few I can think of. One would be to quit your job. You can't go into business for yourself until you quit your job (or your current boss will be quite upset!). Decide to do it and schedule an appointment with him or her. Walk in and quit! Another decision is to go get your business license. Schedule the time, go get the papers, fill them out, pay the money and register with the State. Bingo, you're in business!

You must decide what you must do to make your dream a reality.

Then you must act upon those decisions. If you do not act, your dream becomes a pipe dream, a non-reality.

When you have acted, you must follow through. Continue to follow your plan, day by day, carrying your dream to completion.

Here is a practical exercise to get you moving:

What is your dream? It could be in any area of life: Work, family, finances, health etc.

What is a decision you have to make to get yourself MOVING in the right direction? This should be action oriented not philosophical in nature. For example it should be "I am going to resign on March 1st," not "I've decided that being in business for myself would be more fulfilling." That is an idea, not a decision.

Next, pick a day you are going to do it. Pick a time. Be specific.
Next, do it!
Next, begin the process of continually following-through.
Next, enjoy yourself; you are pursuing your dream! It may be hard but it will also be the most fulfilling and rewarding time of your life!

"The history of free men is not written by chance, but by choice - their choice." Dwight D. Eisenhower

Decide, Act, Follow-through. The day you do will be the day you change your life - for good!

Chris Widener