The Winner's Edge Coaching Tips

by Denis Waitley

Welcome to the last installment of our current coaching topic. We cannot teach our children self-esteem; we can only help them discover it within themselves by adding positive marks and strokes on their slates. All positive motivation is rooted in self-esteem—the development of which, just as with other skills, takes practice. We are looking at self-esteem as a four-legged chair. Last issue we covered the third leg of the “Self-esteem” chair—a sense of worthiness. The last leg is: A Sense of Control and Competence.

Early in my career in motivational psychology, I thought the chair of self-esteem balanced firmly on those three legs—A Sense of Belonging, A Sense of Individual Identity and A Sense of Worthiness—especially since they involved intrinsic core values. It took much time and research to realize that a fourth leg—one of the most important—was missing.

There are many reasons why few Americans currently in high school and college believe they were born to win. The supportive extended family—in many cases, even the nuclear family—is disappearing. Role models are increasingly unhealthy. The commercial media bombards young senses ever more insistently with crime, violence, hedonism and other unhealthy forms of escape. But whatever the explanation, constructive citizens and leaders in society cannot emerge and develop without the creative imagination that serves them like fuel—which is why the apprehension, frustration and hesitation I see and hear in the younger generation is cause for concern. At the moment, the future they imagine will help drive neither happiness nor success.

The chair’s fourth leg is self-efficacy, a functional belief in your ability to control what happens to you in a changing, uncertain world. A sense of worthiness may give you the emotional means to venture, but you need self-efficacy, the sense of competence and control, to believe you can succeed. That’s why it is so important to assign responsibility for small tasks to your children as early as possible so they can learn that their choices and efforts result in consequences and successes. The more success they experience, the stronger their confidence grows—and the more responsibility they want to assume.

Give them specific household chores and duties they can accomplish and be proud of. Teach them that their problems and setbacks are just temporary inconveniences and learning experiences. Emphasize it constantly: Setbacks are not failures.

Armed with a view of failure as a learning experience, children can develop an early eagerness for new challenges and will be less afraid to try new skills. Although they appreciate compliments, they benefit most from their own belief that they are making a valuable contribution to life, according to their own internal standards.

In an increasingly competitive global marketplace, each new, young member of the workforce simply must believe that he or she is a team leader, a self-empowered, quality individual who expresses that quality in excellent production and service. With increasing pressures on profit and the need to do more with fewer workers because of e-commerce and changing technology, it is essential that parents and business leaders help raise the value of their children’s and employees’ stock in themselves.

-- Denis Waitley

Seeds of Greatness

by Denis Waitley
The Power of Habit (This excerpt was taken from Denis Waitley's book The Seeds of Greatness Treasury)

You may know me.
I’m your constant companion.
I’m your greatest helper; I’m your heaviest burden
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am at your command.
Half the tasks you do might as well be turned over to me. I’m able to do them quickly, and I’m able to do them the same every time,
If that’s what you want.

I’m easily managed; all you’ve got to do is be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want it done; after a few lessons I’ll do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great men and women; of course,
I’m the servant of all the failures as well.
I’ve made all the winners who have ever lived.
And, I’ve made all the losers too.

But I work with all the precision of a marvelous computer
With the intelligence of a human being.
You may run me for profit, or you may run me to ruin;
It makes no difference to me.

Take me. Be easy with me, and I will destroy you.
Be firm with me, and I’ll put the world at your feet.
Who am I?

I’m Habit!

-- Denis Waitley

Procrastination Doesn't Make Perfect

by Denis Waitley

Perfectionists are often great procrastinators. Having stalled until the last minutes, they tear into a project with dust flying and complaints about insufficient time. Perfectionist-procrastinators are masters of the excuse that short notice kept them from doing the quality job they could have done.

But that’s hardly the only variety of procrastination—which is one of my own favorite hiding places when I try to blame external conditions instead of myself for some difficulty. Mine comes with a gnawing feeling of being fatigued, always behind. I try to tell myself that I’m taking it easy and gathering my energies for a big new push, but procrastination differs markedly from genuine relaxation—which is truly needed. And it saves me no time or energy. On the contrary, it drains both, leaving me with self-doubt on top of self-delusion.

We’re all very busy. Every day we seem to have a giant to-do list of people to see, projects to complete, e-mails to read, e-mails to write. We have calls to answer and calls to make, then more calls to people with whom we keep playing voice-mail tag.

Henri Nouwen’s classic book Making All Things New likens our lives to “overstuffed suitcases that are bursting at the seams.”

Feeling there is forever far too much to do, we say we’re really under the gun this week. But working hard or even heroically to solve a problem is little to our credit if we created the problem in the first place. When most people refer to themselves as being under the gun, they want to believe, or do believe, that the pressures and problems are not of their own making. In most cases, however, the gun appeared after failure to attend to business in good time. Instead of being proactive early, they procrastinated until the due date became a crisis deadline.

By the Inch Life’s a Cinch, by the Yard It’s Hard

One of the best escapes from the prison of procrastination is to take even the smallest steps toward your goals. People usually procrastinate because of fear and lack of self-confidence and, ironically, become even more afraid when under the gun. There are many ways to experiment and test new ground without risking the whole ball game on one play.

Experience has shown that when people go after one big goal at once, they invariably fail. If you had to swallow a 12-ounce steak all at once, you’d choke. You have to cut the steak into small pieces, eating one bite at a time. So it is with prioritizing. Proactive goal achievement means taking every project and cutting it up into bite-sized pieces. Each small task or requirement on the way to the ultimate goal becomes a mini-goal in itself. Using this method, the goal becomes manageable. When mini-mistakes are made, they are easy to correct. And with the achievement of each mini-goal, you receive reinforcement and motivation in the form of positive feedback. As basic as this sounds, much frustration and failure is caused when people try to “bite off more than they can chew” by taking on assignments with limited resources and impossible timeline expectations.

Two major fears that sire procrastination are fear of the unknown and fear of rejection or looking foolish. A third fear—of success—is often overlooked. Many people, even many executives, fear success because it carries added responsibility that can seem too heavy to bear, such as setting an example of excellence that calls for additional effort and willingness to take risks. Success, without adequate self-esteem or the belief that it is deserved, also can create feelings of guilt and the result is only temporary or fleeting high achievement. Playing it safe can seem more tempting than a need to step forward with determination to do it now and do it right.

In the next issue, I’ll give you 10 ideas to help you move from procrastination to proactivation!

-- Denis Waitley

Adaptability in Action

by Denis Waitley

In a way, human beings behave like bees. If you place several bees in an open-ended bottle and lay the bottle on its side with the base toward a light source, the bees will repeatedly fly to the bottle bottom toward the light. It never occurs to them to reverse gears and try another direction. This is a combination of genetic programming and learned behavior.

Put a bunch of flies in that bottle and turn the base toward a bright light. Within a few minutes, all the flies will have found their way out. They try all directions—up, down, toward the light, away from the light, often bumping into the glass—but sooner or later they flutter forth into the neck of the bottle and out the opening.

We often allow ourselves to become locked in our present circumstances—even if we are unhappy and really want to be reaching in a new direction. What we’re doing may make us miserable, but at least it’s familiar. One of the most important factors in achieving personal success is the willingness to try things out, to experiment, to test new ground. In fact, this is the only way to learn and progress: trial, error, feedback, knowledge, trial and success. It is a far better thing to try to succeed and fail, than to do nothing and succeed.

This week:

* Try it
* Change it
* Do it

Stop stewing and start doing!

-- Denis Waitley

What Is Success?

by John Fleming

As a young man, my first serious goal in life was to become an architect. I studied at one of the finest and most notable engineering schools in the country, the Illinois Institute of Technology, and was then able to gain employment in the office of Mies van der Rohe, one of the most recognized and distinguished architects of our time.

I thought that I was on my way to success. There I was, just an ordinary man, creating the blueprint for a perfectly executed life. I was building a career, as well as a personal life, and hoping for financial security.

Yet I felt that something was missing. While others described me as successful, I knew deep inside that success had to be more than I was experiencing. At that time, I thought that if my life fit the definition of success, then I was truly disappointed.

The problem back then was my definition of success. I simply equated it to “happiness and peace of mind.” Those were the two things that I thought I wanted. In retrospect, success was something that I had not really taken the time to truly define.

Like many others before me, I have sought to understand the basic steps to achieving success and how, if properly taken, they could virtually ensure that I arrived on its doorstep.

Today, I consider “success” as the ability to build your life as you want it—to take the vision of where you want to go and who you want to be, and plan each phase right down to the tiniest detail. I’ve learned that success means being honest with yourself in determining what you can build, and, once the building starts, having the courage to make the necessary and sometimes critical modifications to plan.

How Do We Achieve Success?
So how do you achieve it? As I reflect on my personal journey, I remember the steps that I thought would guarantee a successful journey. Quite simply, they were:
1) Go to school
2) Study hard
3) Get as much education as possible
4) Get a job
5) Get married

This five-step process usually starts with our first school experiences. Parents actually make decisions for us, as they coach us and urge us to do our homework, study hard and achieve good grades.

In later years, counselors encourage us to continue our education through vocational schools and other institutions of higher learning. From my point of view, this is where we have the first major breakdown in our society. For some, the cost of continuing education is prohibitive. Often, parents are not in the financial position to help with the expense of education. They have a difficult time meeting the needs of teenagers who feel peer pressure to dress well, own cars, have girlfriends and boyfriends, and participate in social activities that usually require money. To help meet growing financial obligations, many teens resort to joining the workforce too soon, often sacrificing their continued pursuit of knowledge.

Young people who are able to continue their education at trade schools, colleges and universities are guided through two to five years or more of study designed to prepare them for careers in chosen professions or fields. The end of this educational process usually yields some type of degree or certificate of completion. This achievement is one to be very proud of, but is this piece of paper a guarantee for achieving “success”?

Not if you read these startling statistics: In the United States of America, the richest country in the world, 10 percent of the population owned 71 percent of the wealth at the end of 2001, and the top 1 percent controlled 38 percent of the wealth. The bottom 40 percent owned less than 1 percent of the nation’s wealth.

The U.S. Department of Commerce reported that America’s 2005 personal savings rate, as a percentage of disposable income, was a negative .05 percent, the lowest in the industrialized world by some measures. The statistics represent a society that does not experience success throughout its masses.

What’s even more alarming are the global statistics: 2 percent of the global population control more than 50 percent of all of the world’s wealth! The richest 10 percent actually control 85 percent of the world’s wealth! What’s missing in the educational process that prevents so many from achieving a higher level of success? Why is it that so many can invest so much time in attempting to do all the right things, and still not attain their goals? How do we achieve happiness and peace of mind, freedom from debt, and financial stability?

To answer those questions, I reflected on the principles of design and construction I learned while studying the architecture of buildings. And this is the answer that I found.

We take the one course of action that will ensure us personal success: We become the architects of our destinies. We create the blueprints for the lives we want to live. We go back to the basics in assessing who we are and what we want to build, we design plans of our choosing, and we note what we need to change to achieve successful lives.

The Room Within
Frank Lloyd Wright, America’s most famous architect, once said that “the room within is the great fact about building.” If you think about that in terms of personal development, he was absolutely right. Your room within is the great fact about building your life. You have the ability to decide exactly who you want to be and to design the life you want to live. Each brick of experience can be carefully placed to create the monument that is you.

I truly believe that the one thing sorely missing in our educational institutions today is an emphasis on the basics: the basic knowledge of how to understand ourselves and gain control of our lives. If we better understood these basics, more ordinary people would become extraordinary achievers.

I don’t believe, however, that our journey through life needs to be complicated. We don’t need to spend years on blueprints for Taj Mahals that, realistically, will never get built. We simply need to construct a solid framework—strong in foundation and aesthetically pleasing—that will stand proud in the world.

—John Fleming

Sophistication

by Jim Rohn

Most people are just trying to get through the day. Sophisticated people learn how to get from the day.

Sophistication is understanding the difference between trinkets and treasures.

Don’t spend major money on minor things. In the last ten years the guy has bought two tons of donuts and only two books—and the books are primarily filled with pictures.

Sophisticated people don’t leave early. The man says, “Yeah, but I want to beat the traffic.” Isn’t that a great skill to have—beating the traffic!

It doesn’t take a million dollars to learn the difference between a bottle of fine wine and a Pepsi. Sophistication is a study, not an amount.

One of the early signs of sophistication is not giving way to all inclinations but rather sending your emotions to school so they will learn how to behave.

Money doesn’t make you sophisticated. Only study and practice make you sophisticated. Even people of modest means can become sophisticated because it is within study and practice. How much is a night out at the symphony? About thirty dollars. You say, “Poor people can’t afford thirty dollars to go to the symphony.” Yes, they can. It’s only thirty Hershey bars!

We must teach our children not to spend their money a dollar at a time. If you spend your money a dollar at a time, you’ll wind up with trinkets instead of treasures. You can’t buy much of value a dollar at a time.

Bouncing Back from Tough Times with Self-Encouragement, Part 2

by Jim Rohn
This is the second installment in a 3-part series of articles.

Where the Miracle Begins
Sometimes, defeat is the best beginning. Why? Well for one thing, if you’re at the very bottom, there’s only one way to go—up. But more important, if you’re flat on your back, mentally and financially, you’ll usually become sufficiently disgusted to reach way deep down inside yourself and pull out miracles. Pull out talents and pull out abilities and pull out your desires and determination. When you’re flat broke or flat miserable, you’ll eventually become so disgusted that you’ll pull out the basic essentials required to make everything better.

It’s in the face of adversity that things begin to change, that you begin to change. With enough disgust, desire and determination to change your life, you’ll start saying, “I’ve had it. Enough of this. No more. Never again!”

Here’s where the miracle begins. “I’ve had it. Enough. No more. Never again.” These words and these thoughts really rattle the power of time and fate and circumstances. And these three things, time and fate and circumstances, all get together and say, “Okay. Okay. We can see that we have no power here; we’re facing some major resolve! This guy’s not going to give up. He’s had it. He’s done with all this nonsense. We’d better step aside and let this guy get by!” Inspiration through disgust.

A lot of people don’t change themselves. They wait for change. These poor unfortunate folks accept their defeats and wallow in their self-pity. Why? Because they refuse to take control of the situation. They refuse to take control of their life, their career, their health, their relationships, their finances. They refuse to take responsibility and get sufficiently disgusted to change it.

If you are disgusted, if you are in need of some change, if this book finds you in the middle of your own personal slump, then I have some words to offer. Your present failure is a temporary condition. It is only a temporary condition. You will rebound from failure, just as surely as you gravitated into failure.

One time, when I was in the midst of a bout of failure, somebody suggested that I should tell myself, “This too shall pass.” I firmly believe that you’re only given as much as you can handle, as much negativity, as much failure, as much disappointment. This too shall pass, if you grasp for a new beginning. You need to pull yourself up and move back into the world with a plan.

As foolish as it might sound, you should be thankful for your current limitations or failures. They are the building blocks from which to create greatness. You can go where you want to go. You can do what you want to do. You can become what you want to become. You can do it all, starting now, right where you are.

A father talks about his daughter. She’s gone through some pretty tough times, and as he tells it, she’s a pretty tough person. He has a unique way of describing his daughter’s situation, though. While most parents would be frantic, even for their kids who are grown and gone, this man just smiles and says that his daughter is like a frog in a jar of cream: She keeps kicking and kicking and kicking, and pretty soon the milk will turn into a lump of butter and she’ll be able to jump out. That’s an interesting illustration of tenacity, because that’s how it really works. You’ve got to keep trying and trying and trying. You’ve got to have enough resolve to do it until.

Some of the most inspiring success stories have started with failure. Longfellow started in failure. Michelangelo started in failure. Lincoln started in failure. Rod Serling wrote 40 stories before he had one that was accepted. Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper that felt he had no talent. Richard Byrd crashed his plane on his first solo trip before he became one of the world’s greatest explorers. And the success stories continue.

Be grateful for your adversity. At the same time, make sure that it’s working for your future, not against you. Make your failures give birth to great opportunity, not prolonged agony. Make your disgust lead to inspiration, not depression. The world will willingly sit by and let you wallow in your sorrows… until you die broke and alone. And here’s what else the world will do. The world will step aside and let you by, once you decide that your present situation is only temporary. The doors will open once you decide to get back on your feet and make your mark.

You have to care. In your own enlightened self-interest, give a run at adventure. Keep your eyes firmly set on achievement. Don’t settle for mere existence and self-pity. Make a commitment to excellence. And remember, it is your challenge, your own personal challenge, to use all your gifts and skills and talents and knowledge to survive and succeed.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

Keeping a Journal—One of the Three Treasures to Leave Behind

by Jim Rohn

If you're serious about becoming a wealthy, powerful, sophisticated, healthy, influential, cultured and unique individual, keep a journal. Don't trust your memory. When you listen to something valuable, write it down. When you come across something important, write it down.

I used to take notes on pieces of paper and torn-off corners and backs of old envelopes. I wrote ideas on restaurant placemats. On long sheets, narrow sheets and little sheets and pieces of paper thrown in a drawer. Then I found out that the best way to organize those ideas is to keep a journal. I've been keeping these journals since the age of 25. The discipline makes up a valuable part of my learning, and the journals are a valuable part of my library.

I am a buyer of blank books. Kids find it interesting that I would buy a blank book. They say, "Twenty-six dollars for a blank book? Why would you pay that?" The reason I pay $26 is to challenge myself to find something worth $26 to put in there. All my journals are private, but if you ever got a hold of one of them, you wouldn't have to look very far to discover it is worth more than $26.

I must admit, if you got a glimpse of my journals, you'd have to say that I am a serious student. I'm not just committed to my craft, I'm committed to life, committed to learning new concepts and skills. I want to see what I can do with seed, soil, sunshine and rain to turn them into the building blocks of a productive life.

Keeping a journal is so important. I call it one of the three treasures to leave behind for the next generation. In fact, future generations will find these three treasures far more valuable than your furniture.

The first treasure is your pictures. Take a lot of pictures. Don't be lazy in capturing the event. How long does it take to capture the event? A fraction of a second. How long does it take to miss the event? A fraction of a second. So don't miss the pictures. When you're gone, they'll keep the memories alive.

The second treasure is your library. This is the library that taught you, that instructed you, that helped you defend your ideals. It helped you develop a philosophy. It helped you become wealthy, powerful, healthy, sophisticated, and unique. It may have helped you conquer some disease. It may have helped you conquer poverty. It may have caused you to walk away from the ghetto. Your library, the books that instructed you, fed your mind and fed your soul, is one of the greatest gifts you can leave behind.

The third treasure is your journals: the ideas that you picked up, the information that you meticulously gathered. But of the three, journal writing is one of the greatest indications that you're a serious student. Taking pictures, that is pretty easy. Buying a book at a book store, that's pretty easy. It is a little more challenging to be a student of your own life, your own future, your own destiny. Take the time to keep notes and to keep a journal. You'll be so glad you did. What a treasure to leave behind when you go. What a treasure to enjoy today!

—Jim Rohn

Please Do These Three Things

by Ron White

I am extremely leery of any quick-fix solution or overnight formula for success. In my opinion, they don't exist. With that said, the following formula is one that I have shared with members of my family to encourage them to break through the rut they are in and experience success. Therefore, if I would share it with my family, I must believe in the principles. I suggested that they begin to regularly do these three things:

1. Surround themselves with positive people who believe that this life is not all there is. Personally, I find this at my local church. This e-mail goes out to thousands of people all over the world. I know we don't share the same faith in all cases. This message is not about my faith; it is about you finding a group of people who regularly meet together and have a belief that there is more to life than what we see. This is the first step to a positive outlook on life.

2. You must exercise weekly in order to stimulate endorphins and maintain an energetic life. The exercise of walking to the kitchen or curling 12 ounces does not count as exercise. I run a mile twice a week, and two to three days a week do strength training. This is nothing difficult, but it makes a major difference in my attitude.

3. You MUST educate yourself through reading. The average CEO in America reads four to five books per month. The average American reads one book per year, and 60 percent of us don't get past the first chapter! Make a promise to yourself to read at least one book per month. Read anything!

Regardless, of what you read… develop a passion for reading and learning, and you will see your attitude and outlook on life begin to change. Any person who faithfully invests their time in these three areas may not break world records in levels of success. However, everything in me believes that they would see dramatic improvements. I believe in those three things so much, I encouraged my family to invest their time in these areas.

—Ron White

Your Brain Is the Greatest Computer Ever Created

by Ron White

Have you ever walked into a room and couldn’t remember what you went there for? Have you ever grasped the hand of a potential client and then when the handshake broke, the name seemed to disappear from your memory? Or have you ever left a prospect and as you drove away remembered a key point that you should have shared with them?

Of course you have... we all have. However, I have some great news for you. Your memory is nowhere near as bad as you may think it is. Some time ago, I was a guest at a radio station in Waco. The disc jockey wrote a 50-digit number on a sheet of paper and told his listening audience and then played a three-minute song.

As the listeners enjoyed the song I memorized the 50-digit number. When the song was over we went back live on the air and I handed him the paper. I then proceeded to recite the number forward and then I said it backward. The disc jockey looked at me in utter disbelief, and stunned, he said, “Ron... you are incredible!” I looked him straight in the eye and replied, “You know... you are right!” I said, “Jay, the greatest computer ever created does not come from Dell or Gateway. The greatest computer ever created does not sit on the assembly line of a computer factory. Instead, you and I are the greatest computers ever created. And yes... you are right. I am incredible... but so are you.”

The human memory has the ability to hear a 100-digit number or more once and then repeat it forward and backward. It has the ability to memorize a Shakespearean play word for word or memorize the stats of every baseball player for the last 100 years. And the human memory has the capability to meet 100 people in 20 minutes and recall every single name!

Now, the question is, are you doing these things? If not, the reason is simply that you have not been trained to. Two thousand years ago a Greek named Simonedes developed a memory method called loci. With this method, Simonedes numbered locations in his home. He started in the doorway and then logically proceeded around his home. He reviewed these items so many times mentally that if you asked him what was number 25, he could instantly tell you what piece of furniture that number corresponded to.

These 25 objects were actually mental files for Simonedes. Then, if he had a list of items he wanted to recall, he would place them mentally on these objects in his home. Let’s say that you are a professional who wants to give a speech without notes. Simply turn the key points into pictures and then file them to your “house files.” When you are called upon to speak, simply mentally walk through the house and give your talk without notes.

For example, I gave a one-hour keynote in Atlanta at a homebuilder’s conference. I wrote my speech out the night before. The first thing I wanted to do was talk about the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. So I visualized the book on my front door and then mentally walked through my house and gave the one-hour talk without notes! That can work for you as well. Anything that you want to recall, simply turn it into a picture, place it on your house files and get ready to be amazed! YOU are the greatest computer ever created!

—Ron White

Three Keys to Greatness

by Jim Rohn

Some years ago I went into the studio and recorded a 56-minute video for teenagers called Three Keys to Greatness. Although my focus was for teenagers, the principles I shared certainly apply to adults as well.

Recently I was asked to list these three things using one to two sentences for each. Now for your benefit here they are again.

1) Setting Goals. I call it the view of the future. Most people, including kids, will pay the price if they can see the promise of the future. So we need to help our kids see a well-defined future, so they will be motivated to pay the price today to attain the rewards of tomorrow. Goals help them do this.

2) Personal Development. Simply making consistent investments in our self-education and knowledge banks pays major dividends throughout our lives. I suggest having a minimum amount of time set aside for reading books, listening to audiocassettes, attending seminars, keeping a journal and spending time with other successful people. Charlie “Tremendous” Jones says you will be in five years the sum total of the books you read and the people you are around.

3) Financial Planning. I call it the 70/30 plan. After receiving your paycheck or paying yourself, simply setting aside 10 percent for saving, 10 percent for investing and 10 percent for giving, and over time this will guarantee financial independence for a teenager.

If a young person, or for that matter an adult, focused on doing these three simple things over a long period of time I believe they will be assured success!

—Jim Rohn

Selecting the Right Mentor

by Denis Waitley

Finding coaches and mentors is an important mission, and you will no doubt have several over the course of your life. It is critical that you choose them wisely. Your mentor is someone to whom you’ll be committing a great deal of time and attention, and who, ideally, will take a very focused interest in you as well.

The process of selecting a mentor begins, first of all, with a clear-sighted view of what your life’s goals are, both for your career and your personal life.

If you’re just starting out as an associate in a large law firm, you might choose one of the senior partners as your mentor, or perhaps a partner in another firm you’re familiar with. If you’re just starting a family, and you’re facing the lifestyle adjustments that kids require, your mentor could very likely be someone who is reaching the other end of this very exciting, but demanding, process. In any case, your mentors should be people whose experience can serve as a model for reaching your most significant goals in the most important areas of your life.

Selecting a mentor is not just a matter of finding someone you like or feel comfortable identifying with. Make sure that the mentors you choose have a genuine history of success. I’m continually amazed by the number of people who look to only superficially successful people as role models for achievement. Even experts can make conspicuous mistakes of judgment in this area. The next time you’re in a bookstore or library, take a look at the best-selling books on business and management from four or five years ago. There’s an excellent chance that some of the companies cited as models of efficiency are now out of business. I don’t bring this up to disparage anyone’s business expertise, but simply to point out the need for great care in selecting a coach whose success will stand the test of time.

In addition to selecting your coaches based on their ability to achieve goals similar to your own, choose mentors who, in the process, have overcome some of the same obstacles you’re facing. Ideally, a mentor really represents both what you want to become in a particular area of life and what you want to do. Seeing your mentors today is like seeing what you intend to be. The coach has arrived at or been to places similar to where you want to go.

Choosing a celebrity or public figure as a mentor is a very questionable decision. If at all possible, select a mentor with whom you can actually spend time and with whom you enjoy having conversations and exploring ideas.

Of course, you can have admired historical personages, authors, educators or artists as role models. If you discover someone with whom you feel a special affinity, make an effort to obtain everything that person has written or said. Really become a student of the person’s work and life. Don’t just admire him or her; genuinely learn from him or her, as I have learned from the life and wisdom of Benjamin Franklin.

One of the most interesting aspects of selecting a mentor is the fact that one can rarely separate people’s tangible achievements from the qualities of their character. More than their bank accounts or their real estate holdings, role models prove by the conduct of their lives that they’re worth emulating.

—Denis Waitley

An Undisputed Advantage

by Ron White

Sometimes success in life is a result of setting yourself apart from your competition or simply everyone else. There is one behavior that, without a doubt, will give you an advantage over those around you. I will allow Thomas Jefferson to share what that is. He once said,“Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.”

Have you ever been in a stressful situation or in a storm of life in which you were not able to maintain your cool? It happens to all of us. Billy Joel puts it this way in his hit song Pressure:

But you will come to a place
Where the only thing you feel
Are loaded guns in your face
And you’ll have to deal with
Pressure

Jefferson and Joel are in agreement that you will have to handle pressure. Jefferson suggests that how you respond to the pressure can give you a distinct advantage over those around. Accepting the fact that you will encounter adverse situations, how do you prepare yourself to always remain cool?

You must run through this checklist before the moment of truth arrives, because under pressure, this list is clouded and feels miles away.

Remind yourself that your life has seen many challenges and that you worked through each one and are still standing today.

Remind yourself that you are not the first to encounter obstacles. Others have made it—and so can you.

Unless you are being attacked in a physical manner, never allow yourself to respond without knowing all the facts.

Again, unless being attacked in a physical manner, practice the Rule of Five: Slowly count to five to yourself before you respond.

Do not fear walking away from the table as you allow the issue to cool. Do not shirk from asking for help. A team is always stronger than an individual. The question is not: Will you encounter struggles in life? The question is: How will you respond? For a distinct advantage over others, remember the words of our third president and keep your head.

—Ron White

Be Prepared!

by Jeffrey Gitomer
Excerpted from Jeffrey Gitomer's Little Red Book of Selling

What do you need to know about the prospect’s business to engage? I mean if you just walk in the door and say, “Tell me a little bit about your business,” how unprepared does that make you look? Answer: TOTALLY UNPREPARED. Prepared is going to their website and printing out several strategic pages, reading them, and making notes so you can ask about what you don’t understand, or need elaboration on—not asking about them from TOTAL IGNORANCE.

NOTE: Just so we understand each other, “Tell me a little about your business,” is the third dumbest thing you can say to or ask a prospect. The second is “Let me tell you a little about my business.” The prospect couldn’t CARE LESS about you or your business, and probably already knows enough to not want to hear it again. The first most dumbest? I’ll tell you later. Let’s talk about where to find out information about a prospect and his or her business before your sales call.

1. The Internet. Don’t just look up their site. Enter their company name on Google or other search engines like dogpile.com and see what pops up. There may be an article or other important information. Then enter the name of the person you’re meeting with. Then enter the name of the CEO. Then tell me why you’re not meeting with the CEO. (Just a little jab there.) By the way, if you look up the name of the person you’re meeting with and you find nothing, that also tells you something.

2. Their literature. Even though it’s we-we, it has the basic “brags” covered and may talk about shifts in emphasis and market coverage. It also tells you what they think of themselves and their products.

3. Their vendors. Usually reluctant talkers, but they can tell you what it’s like to do business with them and all about how you are going to be paid—valuable information to say the least. Vendors are a rarely used resource.

4. Their competition. Oh man, talk about dirt, here it is. Just ask casual questions about how they win business—it will tell you what it will be like to negotiate with them. By the way, the more their competition hates them, the better they usually are. Competitors hate the people who take business away from them.

5. Their customers. Customers talk. And they are the real word on delivery, organization, quality, and the subtle information that can give you an insightful competitive advantage.

6. People in your network who may know them. A quick e-mail to your inside group asking for information will always net a fact or two and may just be the bonanza you were looking for.

7. Their other employees. Occasionally the admin will help, but don’t count on it. A better bet is their PR department or their marketing department.

8. The best and least used resource: Their sales department. Salespeople will tell you anything. You can get details you won’t believe.

8.5 Google yourself. Want some pain? Look up your own name. Where are you? What’s your Internet position? Suppose they are looking you up. What will they find? If it’s nothing, that’s a report card on you.

And it’s not just Internet preparation. It’s other research, such as finding mutual friends, calling a few vendors, maybe a few customers. Getting VITAL information as it relates to the buying of your product or service. There’s one more thing in preparation: Be prepared with an objective or two about what you want to accomplish in the meeting.

Proper preparation takes time, but I assure you it’s impressive to the prospect. He or she knows that you have prepared, and is silently impressed. It’s an advantage that very few salespeople use. They make the fatal error of getting all their own stuff ready. PowerPoint slides, samples, literature, business cards—you know, all the same things the competition is doing. Biggest mistake in sales. And almost every salesperson makes it.

And it’s not only preparation about the sale—it’s your personal preparation for sales—your personal training. How ready are you? Get ready baby. Turn off the TV and get ready.

—Jeffrey Gitomer

Class

by Zig Ziglar

From time to time someone gives another individual the ultimate compliment by saying, “You are a class act,” or by describing a specific behavior by saying, “That’s class.” From time to time a master of ceremonies will introduce an individual by saying, “If you go to the dictionary and look up the word ‘class,’ you will see a picture of your speaker this evening.”

A person with class is an individual of integrity, someone you would love to have as a parent or child, a friend or a neighbor, a mentor or an advisor. In short, class identifies a person who is “top drawer,” one who goes the extra mile by being gracious to everyone who courteously serves them.

I love the description given in comments made by Bill Daniels who said that “class is something you choose for yourself. It’s competing honestly, confronting problems head-on, taking accolades with grace and humility and not knocking your competitors. If you have class you’re loyal to both yourself and to those around you. Class is born out of self-respect and a healthy respect for others. Everything in this world is not always attainable. Fortunately, class is.”

Class is the coach who gives every child on the team his turn “at bat” without regard to the youngster’s ability or the won-lost record of the team.

I encourage you to identify someone who is a class act and use that person as a role model. The individual might not be rich and famous or even brilliant, but a person of class is one we can all aspire to be. Take the class approach and I’ll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!